PROMETHEUSA century or more before Sigourney Weaver set out to cross the universe in the Nostromo, Prometheus is launched to explore a distant galaxy which may offer the answer to that granddaddy of all questions: who made us? (Not God, apparently!). But what the astronaut explorers find at their destination is a buried giant spaceship filled with dead humanoid(ish) people and some mysterious pods. But maybe not everyone is dead and - more to the point - are these the pods we've seen before?
This is my most anticipated movie of the summer and it's quite a disappointment. Remember how the original Alien made you jump? And not just when the creature popped out of John Hurt. Well, this film has very few make-you-jump moments, even though there is an "alien-birthing" scene - and another one, closer to the John Hurt moment, near the end. There are a number of "awesome" moments, including another skeleton-like giant spaceship (we even get to see it fly) and some fantastic 3D holograms, but - and it's a big but - where this film falls down is in the pace and the plotting.
The film is co-written by Damon Lindelof, one of the co-creators and senior writers on the TV series Lost. Like the TV series, Prometheus frequently feels as if the cast are "winging" it, working with a plot that's being made up as they go along. The first three Alien pictures all had very tight scripts and sustained tension. Prometheus has a very messy script and very little tension. Director Ridley Scott has lost the magic touch he brought to the original Alien and to Blade Runner.
Michael Fassbender plays an android crewman very similar to the one Ian Holm played in the original movie. Idris Elba captains the ship but doesn't get to do much. Charlize Theron (who may or may not a "replicant") represents the Weyland Corporation that will go on to build the Nostromo. Guy Pearce (unrecognisable) cameos as Weyland's founder. The key character is biologist Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) who proves very resourceful and survives things no woman should have to go through, but she sadly lacks the bravura presence that Sigourney Weaver brought to the original quartet of films.
Weren't we promised a prequel that would take us to the home planet of the Alien monsters? The finale of Prometheus renews that promise, but whoever directs volume six will need to bring back the original writers. And maybe - bring back Ripley. She is very much the missing ingredient that robs this film of its full "flavour".
THE DICTATORSacha Baron Cohen's take on the late and unlamented Col Qaddafi makes for a hit-and-miss movie that misses more than it hits. General Haffaz Alladeen (that 'Haffaz' is pleasingly close to the name of Bashar al-Assad's equally late and equally unlamented dad) is the odious president of the North African state of Wadiya. Stripped of his trademark beard on a visit to New York and replaced by an inept look-alike (Sacha again), the real Alladeen finds himself destitute in the Big Apple. Vegan store-owner Zoey (Anna Faris) saves him from homelessness and helps him reclaim his 'throne' from his Machiavellian adviser Tamir (Ben Kingsley, looking uncomfortable at being in this schlock, as well he might).
That's about it as regards plot. There are some un-PC observations (racist, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-vegetarian - you name it, Sacha trashes it) but the threadbare storyline and scenes that fall flat leave The Dictator floundering for much of its 90 minutes. Funny moments and one-liners are not enough: a comedy needs sustained scenes of hilarity and The Dictator has hardly any of these. The humour targets pre-teens and the frat-house mentality. In Borat and Bruno Baron Cohen entertainingly satirized bigotry and intolerance in the US; now that he's playing a bigot, satire and entertainment go out the window.
American Reunion (see below!) was rude, crude, well-scripted and generally funny. The Dictator is rude, crude, poorly scripted and nowhere near funny enough.
AMERICAN REUNIONThirteen years after they graduated (in the first American Pie) Jim and Michelle (Jason Biggs and Alyson Hannigan) return to their Michigan hometown for a high-school reunion. Their marriage has gone a bit flat. Being reunited with Oz and Finch and Kevin and the irrepressible Stifler is a recipe for rejuvenation - and, natch, disaster! Girlfriends fondly recalled - and others best forgotten - are also back in town.
Oz, the sports jock, is now a celebrity TV presenter, and still single. Finch is a global adventurer, also a bachelor. Kevin and Stifler have boring jobs and not much luck with girls. The reunion will bring changes to all their lives. Some old grudges will get an airing and a few lies will be exposed. Stifler's Mom and Jim's Dad are still in town and get a good slice of screen time.
Let's be honest about this, guys: we are expecting - and we get - some extremely gross behaviour! Taking a dump (was American Pie the ground-breaker in this?) is to US comedy what farting is to Brit-coms, and Reunion duly delivers in this yucky area. Jim gets a hysterical kitchen scene, though perhaps not as funny as the one that involved his mom's apple pie in 1999. There are a number of sexual mishaps, though nothing quite as 'outstanding' (if that's the word) as the beer-glass episode 13 years ago.
The years have been kinder to Stifler (Seann William Scott) and Oz (Chris Klein) than to the other guys, and most of the high-school girls still look pretty hot (in the age of botox this may not be surprising). Despite the moments of gross humour Reunion comes close to being a rom-com. Jim and Michelle's marital problems, Oz and Finch and Kevin's quest for love, Stifler's desperate need of friendship: these elements add depth to the storyline and are handled with a degree of sensitivity.
After the tawdriness of most of the previous sequels, this a well-scripted, solidly played return to the form of the first movie. All in all it's a fun reunion for the audience as well as for the cast.
SAFEWhat can I say about a Jason Statham movie? It's a Jason Statham movie! A maverick cop turned cage fighter (don't ask why) rescues an 11-year-old Chinese girl from Russian mafia thugs and then has to protect her from Chinese triad thugs and a thuggish squad of corrupt NYPD cops. The girl is a prodigy and has memorized a mysterious code (clue in the title!) that everybody wants.
A Jason Statham movie is cloned from a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie or a Steven Seagal movie (which were in turn clones of Bruce Lee). Kick-fighting, shoot-outs, car chases, subway chases, street chases: it's a formula which pretty well always appeals to its target audience. Statham, not just a toned bod and a husky voice, somehow manages to inject some soul into the characters he plays. Catherine Chan does a nice turn as the sassy kid. Chris Sarandon (fondly remembered as the vampire next door in the original; - and best - version of Fright Night plays the corrupt mayor behind the corrupt cops.
The frantic pace - and Statham's on-screen charisma - are guaranteed to keep the audience on the edge of their seats. Is Safe formulaic? - yes, but it's terrific fun.
SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMENThe title tells it like it is. This is a slight but pleasing little British rom-com about a biologist (Ewan McGregor) and a government environmentalist (Emily Blunt) who, in the interests of Anglo-Arab relations (muddy waters!), are assigned to an unlikely project to introduce Scottish salmon into the region that once belonged to the Queen of Sheba. Harriet is worrying about her new soldier boyfriend missing in Afghanistan; Fred is locked into a failing marriage; but of course these two are going to bond in the Yemeni mountains. No one falls for the billionaire Arab fisherman (Egyptian actor Amr Waked) whose mission this is (I did! He could have a starring role in a movie version of my 'Arab Spring' story SHAIKH-DOWN).
Kristin Scott Thomas steals many a scene as a potty-mouthed Whitehall wonk and brought back happy memories of an earlier triumphant British rom-com with some weddings and a funeral. Salmon Fishing doesn't aim for the same dizzy heights as that movie, but the unpretentious script and the under-stated performances are almost in the same league. A feel-good movie with some exotic locations (I don't mean Whitehall) - just what we need in the UK in this wettest of springs!
