Recently I’ve been thinking about my sister’s three kids, age 5-7, and what advice I might give them as they get close to high school and college. I think about the things I thought when I was that age, what was right and what wasn’t so right.
Serendipity! Yesterday I read a post at Suzie81’s blog called “Lies I Tell My Students” about the things we tell children, and how they play out in the real world. A lot of Suzie’s points jive with things I was thinking. Here are the lies we tell, and what really happens.
“If you work hard, you’ll get a good job.”
To a company, your good grades mean you have the potential to do well. You need to prove it first. If you keep working hard and showing how smart you are, the interesting assignments and responsibility will come your way. Companies want people who get things done. They would love to have someone who can do it with a good attitude. As someone I respect very much once said, “I can teach anyone anything about chemical engineering. I can’t teach them to have a good work ethic.”
If you do well, companies will pile as much work on you as you can handle. In a good company, you’ll be rewarded for it, too, even if it’s only with respect and gratitude. (That matters far more than you know right now.) If not, you’ll have a resume stuffed with good experience and you’ll be well-prepared to look for a job that will reward you better.
“You can achieve anything that you set your mind to.”
“Anything” is a very big word.
Here’s the deal. I won’t tell anyone not to pursue something they have an interest in, whether it’s singing, science, or skydiving. I’ll just say that what you see on TV is the equivalent of winning the lottery. As Bruce Lee put it, “A goal is not always meant to be reached. It often serves simply as something to aim at.” Sometimes you succeed, and sometimes you fail. In the end, success never looks like you thought it would. This is what growing looks like.
If you want to go after a dream, work hard, make sacrifices, get other people to help you, and make the most of your opportunities (better known as luck). If you shoot for the stars, you may land there, or you may only reach the moon. You may crash and burn completely – and it happened to me. If it does, your friends and family will still love you, and the sun will come up tomorrow.
“Once you leave school, you’ll never have to deal with bullying again.”
Bullies can’t threaten to beat you up anymore, but people use bullying tactics all the time. Some people are literally trained to use your good nature against you to get their way. A car salesman can try to bowl you over, a manager can try to intimidate you into taking their position, or a coworker can refuse to do their fair share of the work.
There are other ways to fight bullies besides with your fists. Saying “no” politely is still saying no. You can take a breath and let people’s rage blow past you like a storm blowing past a rock. You can use anger, in small doses, at the right time. Stick to the facts; bullies hate it when you put the truth in front of them. The mental and emotional “muscles” that you build up by learning to deal with bullies in school will be the same muscles you use in the “real” world.
“A simple apology will make everything go away and all is forgiven.”
An apology is the beginning. Now you’re starting to make things right. Depending on what happened, the other person may be recovering from the emotional equivalent of a scratch or a full-blown wound. You need to make things right. That takes time. If you really blew it, the relationship may never recover.
In the workplace, people often don’t say they’re sorry because they don’t want to appear weak. If you went too far or lost your cool, say you’re sorry and mean it. Everyone is trying hard.
“Deadlines can be repeatedly extended if you can’t be bothered and it is still possible to get the same grades as those who have handed their work in on time.”
The word “dead” is in “deadline” for a reason. In the real world, when you miss a deadline, your grade goes from “A” to zero. At best, it might go from “A” to “B.” People work around the clock – literally – to meet deadlines. I’ve seen projects where teams of people worked 12 hours a day for months to meet a deadline. Your goal is to get your work done long before it’s due. Not getting it done is a car wreck.
By the time I was getting close to college, I knew that some of these maxims had holes in them. Sometimes I questioned them. Other times I closed my eyes and put my faith in them, and found out that questioning voice of mine had been right all along. I wished I’d trusted myself. The best advice I can give my sister’s kids is to keep their eyes open and ask questions. The world is not an easy place. We can help them to find their way in it.
Source:
http://thedaily400.wordpress.com/2013/08/04/reblog/